Thursday, November 18, 2010

How to rescue a damsel in distress series

Salutations dear readers, summer is finally upon us and as the temperature rises and the humidity goes pass 80%. There will more and more damsels in distress because they are outside and in the open air. So what can a man do this summer to prepare himself to rescue a damsel in distress. So welcome to the Summer survial guide series of According to Truong. In this series I would like to write about what are essentials a man needs this summer, to be that man who can save the day. Over the next few weeks be prepared and get ready to understand why McGyver was such a ladies man. Stephen ZENG who sits at this location-33.877080, 151.210823 this is going to be super man-ly after reading this I can guarantee you'll have a thick and glossy beard.

Topic 1. Summer road trip to Far north Queensland.

Lets place ourselves in the situation, two young guys looking for adventure. Driving in a used commodore or camry towards Cairns or Townsville. The temperature is shooting pass 35 degrees and the humidity is unbearable. Over the past 15 hours from Sydney you have probably been wondering why did you go on this trip, where you could be at home playing Assasin's creed.
Well the temperature is unbearable now and your travelling at 110km/h and it's late afternoon and you really want to go for a swim. But as you are roaring off the highway into a remote beach, whilst driving through the lush vegetation, the sweet sea breeze filing your lungs with exciting, you put your board shorts on in the car in anticipation of the cool water. You notice a damsel in distress through the lens of your polarised sunglasses. She and her female companions have parked their car on an uphill section and they are just looking at the billowing white smoke coming out of her car.
Well what are you going to do in this situation? Keep driving? or stop and try to help

Well this is going to be interesting if you stop you will need tools and this next section I will help you prepare yourself and be like McGyver to be that hero who can save that damsel in distress. Or in this situation a school of Damsels.

Rightio, lets start here you have now pulled over with your friend, so the damsels are already confident there is nothing fishy here. Your wearing board shorts and a smell faintly of Oasis coconut flavour ice tea, you're wearing a XXXX or bundy rum t-shirt becauseyou don't want to get busted up by the locals when travelling in far north Queensland. With all this apparel they can relax and accept your help because they now know you're not like that Wolf Creek serial killer guy.

Step 1. Be confident
Speak clearly and slowly. Damsels in distress are generally people of the sanguine nature and will probably be very emotional. Offer her an Oasis Ice tea and say. It looks like the car is just over heating, it's a small problem and happens all the time it shouldn't be hard to fix right here on the spot. I'll see what my mate and I can do.

Step 2. Examine the problem
Now that you have the situation under control have look around the engine bay, you will notice that the radiator hose, that runs from the radiator to the engine has a small crack in it. Big bummer. This is a common problem with sanguine women who don't have much knowledge of cars and servicing. Generally rubber hoses break in more frequently in summer due to the extremes of temperatures and general usage.
" Now stay calm, and ask how's that Ice tea, it's my favourite" When you have a question and reply in one sentence it really spins girls out because it will put them in a more relax mood some how.

Step 3. Produce the goods.
Firstly, you will need a the ever dependable Leatherman, probably the best and coolest multi tool all men should have. Secondly, on road trips carry extra water, roughly 5 litres and always try to keep it that way. Thirdly, always keep some sikaflex in the boot it's a multi-purpose sealer. Too easy hey if you can't find any sikaflex use chewing gum. Do you have electrical tape? well get some now. Sorry lads this is the painful bit, you will have to cut some of your rubber off your thongs to help her out, because no way on earth she is going to give you any of hers so don't bother asking. Guess you'll have to survive barefoot for a while. Ouch hot sand.

Step 4 Can you fix it, Ofcourse you can.
She is probably smiling and admiring you now so don't blow it. Firstly you will have to wait till the radiator cools down but if there is a huge leak and lots of green or pink fluid is pouring out work quick. Firstly, get your beach towel cover the radiator cap so you can open it to release pressure. If you don't have a towel your going to get heaps of vapourise coolant all over, not smooth. If you are lucky and the the crack is near the end of the hose undo the clamps and cut that section off with your leatherman, and then crimp it back on with the Leatherman pliers. If not take off the hose use the rubber seal it, tape it.
Once everything is in place, fill up the reserve radiator bottle with water, clean water is best then turn the car on, with the hot air setting on the temperature setting. Then turn on the interior fan on full blast to run the new water through. Slowly add more water into the main radiator and let it run. It should be sweet now all you have do is say "We'll have another look to see if there is anything else wrong!Have a quick look around the car and check tyre pressure, then take the car for a little drive to ensure everything is running. Remember team work with your mate because you can't be a grass cutter and not share the glory.

Step5 Be gallant.
This is brill ant opportunity to ask them all if they need any more help, and invite them for a swim, because the car will have to cool down. So sit back and enjoy Oasis ice tea, coconut flavour is the one to go for.

In summary. Buy a leatherman (thanks Lucy for my one) or ask for one this Christmas "I chose you Leatherman Wave", buy marine grade Sikaflex, buy electrical tape and be the man or men remember team work. Well I have really enjoyed writing this piece about summer trips and damsels in distress. I hope you can join me again soon for more summer adventure in the According to Truong, summer survival series.

Gosh, Sydney weather has become so unpredictable but since I am confident it is going to be sunny and bright I am advising killing 2 birds with one stone this weekend. If you're looking for Christmas presents or you're helping to choose presents, why not head down to Berry and head to the cool looking Coo Coo clock shop I don't really know the name but they sell very interesting stuff. They have various presents and everyone will happy. Not only get all your Christmas shopping done in one shop, but you can go for a swim and eat fresh seafood in Kiama on the way back. Followed by a drink at the Jamberoo inn i really like this inn for it's charm and personality, plus i have never tried to the food so please someone, report back. Oh and if you forgot a present and wanted something handmade, drive up to the Benedictine monastery up to the hill, to the left. Deo Gratias

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