Thursday, April 14, 2011

De profundis

Good morning, welcome and greetings. Firstly I would like to apologise to my loyal readers and thank you for returning to read the next installation of according to Truong. It's pretty much crunch time now, the wedding is only a number of days away. At present I am more anxious that excited, and spray painting at night really makes you dizzy at work. So once again I would like to thank you for returning.

So you are probably wondering what has happen to Truong over the last few weeks, well I can start by explaining the title of the blog De profundis, or Ps 129. During my short sojourn from the blog space I have been in deep contemplation about what to write about or simply put "I had writers block". Therefore, I have been crying out to the Lord for help, in my situation. Because he hears all that cry out to him, from the depths of our souls. Not only have I been struggling mentally but also physically with early mornings and late nights, but all is in place, Deo gratias!.

In this this blog, I would like to talk about the bliss of home improvement and how to avoid the hidden traps and arguments that will surely arise from it if you don't follow some advice about home improvement according to Truong

In this classic example, David and Sarah are soon to be husband and wife. David an average everyday office worker with great building dreams that rival those of King Solomon when building the great temple. So back from the hardware with paint and brush, saw and hammer, and a lovely new tool bag courtesy of Sarah. He has embarked on an endeavor to improve the home he has bought.

Sarah on the other hand, is liken to a Vietnamese refugee who has travelled all the way to Australia on a boat, and values every piece of paper, furniture, crockery and instruction manual. So if you need instructions on how to make a toasted sandwich from a Kambrook 400W sandwich press just send me an email and I will scan you a copy. Can you imagine an entire house of items that may have a use in the future? If you can you'll surely end up with dizzy spells.

Now for the situation Sarah has asked David to finish the house by April 11 so that she can bring her entire house over. So poor David is working day and night to complete it, however to get the electrical wiring and skirting boards he needs extra help, and extra helps means more time.
So when Sarah rocks up on April 11, there is a frantic rush to complete it. In this frantic effort there is much shouting and sitting in corners and quiet time between David and Sarah. Not a very blissful sight.. Home improvement, or relationship destroyer?

Now how to avoid being told off by Sarah, men you will have to follow these simple steps.
Start with fixing up the kitchen, starting cupboards hinges and clearing bench space for kitchen items. Women generally like to spend their time around items that are associated with tea and coffee. Go straight to the epicentre start the kitchen.
David on the other hand started off with the bedrooms, men you must fight your natural intentions here. David decision is an extremely logical one because newly married couples tend spend at least 10 hours a day in their bedroom, whilst the Kitchen spells tedium in CAPITAL, bold, Arial font .
It is also associated with washing up, pulling the plug out of a slimey sing and garbage duties, and if you're really unlucky stacking dishes in locations that seem too small or narrow for large serving plates to physically fit. So the mathematical formula for working out stacking consist of taking measurements of the object, then stuffing it in the 3D space. Therefore Applying Pythagoras' Theorem for the triangle ONP, we have:


= √ ( (ON)2 + c2)

= √(a2 + b2 + c2)

In summary David a logical fellow would have thought, yup bedroom 10 hours a day, number 1 priority, we can eat pizza for a few weeks. However in a relationship you will have to think of the other first. So if you are a male and use your brain at regular intervals, stop the logical express train at Summer Hill and say out aloud if the solution is logical then it's wrong.

After the kitchen move to the dinning and lounge areas. The second most important space for a woman. If the kitchen is the epicentre of a woman ie her attitude, temperament, persuasive nature, her sweet giggling, and most importantly her logic, then the dinning and lounge are her good bits, I don't know what women's good bits are but I'll find out eventually. Being a woman they like to highlight their good bits, it could be hair, eyes, or whatever is within the real of modesty.

In our situation, instead of focusing on the dinning and lounge David had started work on the bathroom, because in his mind, yup we will be using the can a fair few times a day so it is a code brown alert. As you know having a sanitised lavatory means less trips to it. So that's fail attempt number 2. Luckily for David it is only a small place with 2 bedrooms so he didn't get a hat trick of fails this time. Phew

The morale of this story is simple, a home is made up of two completely different people. Therefore there will be a huge conflict of ideas and goals. This can be explain through Allosteric enzymes (are enzymes that change their conformation upon binding of an effector. An allosteric enzyme is an oligomer whose biological activity is affected by altering the conformation(s) of its quaternary structure.) So basically the first stage is very difficult but after the first binding site has clear away, off you go to a blissful marriage.

Secondly Be clear and honest about time frame, budget and the usefulness of items before placing them in the shelves. And remember if you accidentally stuff up just keep your receipt for an exchange or refund at Bunnings, and if you accidentally place a tube of silicon in your pocket while juggling pieces of timber remember to go pay for it next time you go back.

Wow wee, What to do in Sydney this weekend? With the onslaught of winter around the corner it is an important time to clear the house of unnecessary clutter. So if you spend 3 hours throwing away items you could probably fit in a canoe or boat trip from 12pm down at the Heathcote boat hire in the Royal National Park.
It is the perfect time for boating at the moment because the weather is neither hot or cold, and the air is very still. So what are you waiting for, go on this boating trip.

1 comment:

  1. Great analysis of women's and men's logic Truong. Loved it. I'm totally on the side of doing the kitchen first. You may spend 10 hours in the bedroom but most of that time your eyes are shut (or you're 'otherwise engaged' to put it delicately), so who cares if the skirting boards are done?! xx Jane